Why do most parents use their children as pawns in divorce proceedings?
I think it’s sad when parents use their children as pawns in divorce. I feel so sorry for children that have to do that. My parents NEVER did that to me when they divorced 23 years ago. In fact, both of my parents asked me who I wanted to live with and chose my mother. They never talked about each other in front of me.
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While I have to agree with you to the fullest on this, sadly it’s pretty acceptable here. And you know, I wouldn’t see the harm in using children to gain ground in a divorce if it was contained to the husband and wife, but the kids are the ones that actually bare the brunt of the divorce.
If mom and dad could screw each other over using the kids without them ever knowing or picking up on the tension… then go for it….although, I still think it would cause problems..i don’t really know.. i’m not a divorce expert. Never been divorced. My mom wasn’t married to begin with and my father molested me when i was young, so I never really had him around. I talk to him now and I confronted him on it when I was 19 and he denied it, but I actually remember it on my own cos my mom didn’t want to tell me.. and I was at starbucks one day and it ran thru my head
and i was like WTF was that… but i remembered it..chilling details so I went to my moms as fast as I could and asked her and she started crying telling me the doctors and counselors told us not to tell cos you prolly wouldn”t remember it… and she was so sorry… so I got in my car and admitted myself in the psych ward…… got out confronted him, he lied, I said I remembered, he still lied… and you know….I don’t hate him… i love him… he’s my dad…. I can seriously be ok with it, but I just want him to have the decency to admit it…
I don’t remember where i was going with this, but dragging the kids into it is never good…. you never know what resentments they will hold on to, you don’t know how much they will remember… I think if parents truly love their child then they should make the divorce as easy for them as possible and not play the blame game. So many times has my father told me that he would never speak badly about my mother even if it was true. I don’t need to hear it. It wont change things so there’s no point in rehashing bad memories…. so for a man as sick as he is in the head, he does have some respect for my mom and me. Which I find to be a very good quality, mom and dad should never shit talk each other to the kids… it confuses kids andupsets kids, and most of the time they will think it’s their fault or it will manifest into self destructive behavior.
What ur parents did is the best thing to do if u ask me. Parents that use their children as pawns in a divorce are just pathetic. They are hurting and feel that is the only way to make the other person hurt like them n its unfortunate because they are only hurting the children
You’re very lucky. My parents talked crap about each other to my brother and I all the time. The custody battle lasted nearly a year.
My husband and I may be starting divorce proceedings soon. We have an 8 month old son. I don’t ever want to do to him what my parents did to me and don’t intend to.
I think some people do it because it makes them feel better about the whole situation if they can get their child to side with them against the other parent.
MOST parents do not use their children as pawns, but easily a large group do.
My husband has 4 children by 2 different women and neither ex used the children as pawns (the kids all lived with him) even though the choice for the children living with him was hotly challenged.
It is very sad when this happens.. sometimes it is a deliberate attempt to hurt the other parent by using the kids (and hurting the children at the same time), but often, it is an unconcious side effect of the divorce.. sometimes one parent is so hurt by the other parent that their judgements are irrational at that time. I’m divorced and have sole custody of my daughter, but if I am guilty of anything, it’s pushing her father to stay involved in her life…. she needs both of us.
Some people cant just let go. They need to know that they have inflicted the most pain to win.
So selfish !
Because it is a last ditch effort at getting back at their spouse. Don’t it just make your gums itch?
Because they are immature, spiteful or both.
I have been divorced since 2005 and my exhusband still uses our boys as a pawn. He cares nothing about them. He does not call but asks why our boys do not call him. He wants visitation but pushes the boys off on his mother or cancels at the last minute and promises he will make it up to them. He has also gone as far as asking me to change our boys last name because his family’s name is corrupted. A pawn not to have to pay child support I believe. He wants me to drop my childsupport case with DCSE. If he wants to give up his rights why doesn’t he do so. No, it’s just his way of still trying to control my life and put stress on me. He is only making things hard on himself.
You know you’re very fortunate to have parents who love you very much. That’s not usually the case. Ugliness comes out strongly in divorce. And when it does, everyone is in the line of fire…..ESPECIALLY the children. Anger is terribly destroying to one’s normal thinking.
Because I hoped my husband would see that marriage and children (family) go together and should be viewed this way. How can you split them up? If my husband wants to cheat on me isn’t he cheating on his kids too?
Because they still love each other and really don’t want it to end.
Parents that do the opposite of what your parents did are proving that neither one has any more sense than the other.
I think you’re incorrect. MOST parents don’t behave this way. I don’t personally know any families where this is happening. My ex and I get along great and put our kids first. My husband and his ex don’t like each other at all, they still put the kids first.
I agree, it happens, but MOST parents put their kids first.
MOST parents DO NOT use thier children as pawns. Please do not make generalizations like this.