The Pros And Cons Of The Effects Of Divorce For Children?
Can Anyway One Give Me The Pros And Cons Of The Effects Of Divorce For Children? Its Becuase Im Writeing 5 Pages About That But I Dont KNow ANYTHING So Can Anyone Help Me?!?!?!? Please thanks!
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Let me put it this way: I’m almost 32 and my parents just filed for divorce this year. I’m devastated. I’ve been depressed and have had a lot of trouble coping. Every time I think I have a handle on things I break down in tears all over again. I don’t even live in the same country as they do. I cannot understand how this could happen to *my* parents.
If I’m in my 30s and having this much trouble coping and understanding, think of how much something like this must affect a child who doesn’t have the tools to cope and understand because they lack life experience. I have a whole new appreciation for how much divorce shatters a child.
well, my stepson is almost 21 and just yesterday he told his father that he and his mom basically " f’d his life up and thanks for nothing and they might has well have cut off his arms and his legs as much as they have crippled him."
he was pissy cuz Daddy wouldnt fix the truck he thrashed until he could show he had valid ins and tags…
waaaah waaaah waaaah.
He’s a crybaby loser who likes to tell people how his parent’s divorce "ruined my life"….
I don’t believe divorce can ever solve a problem of a couple. If a couple believe it will, they are being selfish and don’t think about their children. If they have problems, they have to talk about it and find ways to solve them together. It will not be easy but if they both are determined, they will. Bottomline, no pros but just cons and more cons and more cons. I know some people who settle for divorce so they marry again but they are still not happy and wanted divorce again. DIVORCE are only for the cowards and irresponsible couples.
I will answer this question based on personal experience. My parents divorced (actually legally separated) when I was 4 yrs old, my brother 6. My father lived 2 blocks away up until I was 10 & then he moved 1 state away. We always had visits to my father’s house every other weekend & several weeks during the summer. Personally, this had no real effect on me as I do not remember them being together. I only know that when they communicated over the yrs that they did NOT like each other & had many arguments. I feel it was better for them to be apart for their own sanity & peace of mind. I feel it would have been a horrible situation if they stayed together for "the kids’ sake". I have no idea how they managed to get together in the first place. My brother, being a little older did not take it as well as me. He had behavioral problems growing up (maybe it was just him) & at one point (early high school) my mother couldn’t play the "father role" during the week & he moved in with my father who was more strict & set him straight. If one does get a divorce with kids, the best thing to do is do it when they’re young & haven’t fully established the family unit as solid & unbreakable. The older the kids get, the more effect it will have.
Pros:
1.Happy Parents make happy children, no sense if everyone is miserable
2.Kids get individualized attention from parents (if regular visitation is in place) & may even get an extended family (ex. step sister)
3.Extra presents for kids at Christmas/birthday
4.Parents get a break from the kids a few times a month (when visiting with other parent)-instant babysitter
COns:
1.Separate holidays (ex. Thanksgiving with mom, Christmas with dad)-even as the child becomes an adult
2.May affect child’s perception of future relationships-I have no faith in "til death do us part" even though I am married.
3.Child may witness the backtalk & lashing between parents-one against the other, may create favoritism between parents.
THere are NO pros if the other parent is not part of the child’s life (unless the other parent is on drugs, unfit, destructive or abusive). My time spent with my father was quality time: life lessions, long talks, homework/project help, outings, vacations across the country & to different countries etc. I am 30 now & have good relationships with both my parents, apart!
You need to look in to the archives for readers digest they have a great article on this topic
What Pros?
My parents divorced when I was 4yrs old. Pros-somewhere to go and something to do during summer break and 2 christmases or Thanksgivings. Cons-couldn’t participate in any father daughter things (dad lived too far away) and over the years dad grew farther and farther apart. At first my brother and I got into a lot of trouble. We would rob places. (we were only 6 and 7yrs old)
cons, it can be emotionall distressing, and may make them less secure about love in the future. it may create stress and akwardness at family functions and holidays(christmas, their wedding ect..). On the other hand if the relationship is negative and causing you pain than it is not healthy for a child to watch that either. Growing up my father drank and hit my mom, then they divorced. I was not sad, it hurt to see my mother struggle in other relationships but i was glad that she wasn’t with him. Meanwhile my aunt and uncle stayed married till there kids were teens, he was emotionally abusive and controlling, both her children are drug addicts and can’t make relationships work. I am in a very happy relationship because watching my mothers struggles has taught me the importance of having a good partnership. One with good communication, love and respect. This prolly won’t help your paper much. sorry good luck.
Pro. Child doesn’t have to hear or see parental violence.
Child gets more gifts
Con. They dont get to see postive couples. They dont get to see a healthy relationship.
They have 2 homes instead of one steady house
They can blame their self for the divorce
I went through it.
it’s hell.
Pro:
>if you yourself are in an abusive relationship it’s good to get out.
>If the Mother or Father is an unfit spouse and parent it’s saving a lot of trouble mentally && physically
Con:
>If you don’t properly share the infromation with your children and they find out another way you could emotionally scar them && lead them to not trust you & lose respect for you.
>your child could hate/resent you
—————————–
doing this to your child for the right reasons is good, but if you’re just tired of your spouse then it’s pointless.
good luck.
From personal experience, I never stopped feeling like it was somehow my fault (I was 5 when it happened, and I’m 45 now). I have no memory of it, but apparently I was so stressed by the divorce and my dad moving far away that I pulled out all my eyelashes and eyebrows. I felt so different all through school because most of my friends’ parents were still together. I always thought their parents would think there was something bad about my family and not want them to be friends with me. I was embarrased when my mom remarried and people would call her Mrs. (My Last Name) and that was not her last name. I was raised by a step father who hated children and couldn’t stand the sound of laughter. My stepmother was a widow with 3 children, so my dad actually became their dad and they had him all the time, which created an awful jealousy in me — and in my stepmom. Every dime my dad spent on me, she resented because she wanted it for her kids. I’ve always had a deep-seated resentment of my mother for taking me away from my father, because she was the one who wanted the divorce and he didn’t. I also was aware that he wanted custody of me and I wanted to go with him, but she prevented it right up until the court would let me choose at 16 and at that point, it’s hard for any teenager to switch school and move hours away — so it never happened. Holidays like Christmas and birthdays they both would try to buy my affection to prove their love. Everyone called me spoiled for getting so much, but I didn’t even want the stuff and I never felt like I had the one thing that really mattered — my family together.
My dad died young, and I always feel like I was cheated out of the time I was supposed to get to spend with him. I may never stop feeling that way.
I realize there are probably situations where divorce is the best solution and the kids are in a worse place living in a home with constant fighting or abusive behavior, etc., but this was just based on my own experience.
From personal experience I would say:
Pros: If your house is full of tension and fighting parents, the divorce provides relief from that problem. Happier parents=happier children.
Cons: Children often get placed in the middle by the adults. Adults often make the children "take sides", inconsistent rules at different houses, feeling less settled, having to deal with "boyfriends/girlfreinds" of the parents and/or their children., lots of treaveling between houses.
hi ,I got divorced when I had 3 kids ,it is hard to say the pros and cons as each case is different ,in my case my kids were better off for the divorce because their father was an alcoholic and was sapping my energy ,when I left him I had more time for my kids .Kids blame themselves a lot so handle it better if they are given the facts ,I don’t mean baging out there parent but just honesty telling them enough so they don’t blame themselves.It is best to grow up in a happy two parent family but if needs be ,one loving parent is better than two diffusional ones.
there are not pro and cons about divorce when children are involved. 1 is that they are emotionally scared for the rest of their live. 2 they never got it. 3 no one else know what they are going through. 4. it hurts in many ways than one. 5 most important of all talk to the child because they need to know in what is going on between their parents. also the parents need to spend time with the child in the transition after the divorce.
The advantages of having parents split up are
1. Children become more resilient and more mature.
2. By Daddy and Mommy splitting up because they no longer love each, this sets an example for the child in his/her adult years. It lets them know that it’s OK to abandon a relationship that isn’t working out, in search for happiness else where. Kids will respect parents more for being honest with themselves and not cheating themselves out of happiness.
3. Let’s kids know that parents are human
4. Two Christmasses.
5. If the marriage is rife with abuse, emotional and physical cruelty, it’s good that the child sees that the abused parent has enough self respect to get out of a bad situation.
6. Children will learn from parent’s resilience and also know that it’s OK to fail.
7. If one of the parents is abusive to the child then the divorce can help prevent the re-occurance of the abuse to the child. Child grow up emotionally stronger than if left in abusive environment.
8. Development of Emotional Quotient from having to deal with uphevals early in life.
Disadvantage
1. Depending on the sensitivity of the child, the child may suffer emotionally, thinking that it caused the rift between the parents. It’s really up to the parents to make sure the emotional damage is controlled
2. Some children do not fare well with changes. This can lead to depression, rebellion and angst.
3. Child may grow up to be cycnical of relationships or may not be able to build strong relationships because his/her adults had not been able to demonstrate effectively how to do so by breaking up the adult relationship in the child’s life
4. Disorientation/disassociation - if both parents are in different locations in the state or country, this will result in the child having to travel a lot to see the parent.
5. Poisoning of the mind - the parent with more custody rights might poison the mind of the child into believing that the other parent is evil, thus destroying the relationship of the child with the other parent (but this can happen even while the parents are married as well). (You can twist this one into a PRO- by saying that as a result of being divorced the frustrated parent no longer poisons the mind of the child with negativity because he/she is free of the offending spouse.)
6. Having to deal with parents dating other people.
OK - that’s enough from me.. I’m sure you can expound on these facts a little more.
Have fun with your assignment.
con: you emotionally scar/kill your children
pro: you emotionally scar/kill your children
honestly there are no pros just a bunch of cons. for boys i guess you can say that they dont get to have a male perspective on things so they might turn out to be more sensitive. not sure sorry!
sometimes it is good for a divorce, if the parents are fighting in front of the kids, it could cause damage to the kids.
but the seperation, the kids can get used to and understand
pros…You live with a single mom who trys her best to raise you and you become best friends and get to know them and have more fun!cons…you never have a dad and mom to do family things,but,at least you have a mom that loves U!
there are no pros, just cons. If people want to have babies, suck it up and smile for the kids. Your happiness is not as important as theirs. And don’t have babies unless your ready to sacrifice yourself if needed, emotionally, mentally and physically.
PRO-The children no longer have to deal with the turmoil that is usually present in a marriage that is falling apart.
CONS-Living with only one parent and only seeing the other one on visitations
There are plenty of both, I just thought I would list only one of each.
Good Luck with your paper.
well the only pro I can think of is getting out of an abusive life, the foster homes, halfway houses & jails are full of the cons.
the pro is the kids don’t have to see fighting and hear stupid arguments amongst the parents.
the cons are there is only one parent, one viewpoint, only 2 eyes watching, caring for them instead of 4 eyes and two people.
Guidance, caring, nurturing possibilities have been halved.
Not to mention possible loss of income.
Tough, tough question!!! If there’s ANY physical abuse: GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE!!!! No questions…go to nearest shelter or whatever. SAVE THE KIDS!
However, if you can’t resolve it…try to get your ex-to-be to agree to a list of rules, like 1) no trashin you (and you don’t trash her/him), b) everything we do, including money-wise, IS FOR THE KIDS" best interest.
I have know a FEW people who have pulled this off by themselves..but if you KNOW you and/or your spouse is temperamental, GET A LAWYER to moderate.
Don’t do it for you ….do it for the kids. Remember, they love you BOTH, so don’t use them as "pawns" in this horrible "game"!