My wife and I just recently agreed upon a trial separation. I could go into a lot of detail about it but i’ll just ask my question. She is the one who wanted to separate because she says she wasn’t happy with the way I treated her and my son. I don’t hit her, demean her, drink too much, stay out too late, and never cheat on her. It’s just some little issues that I think could had been worked out by trying but she said she has been unhappy for a long time with me. She never let me know this so I could try and fix it. I thought she was always happy. Anyways she has moved out and she told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore. She also told me that she woke up one morning and just felt like she would be happier on her own with her and just the baby. I ask her if she thinks the separation will help. And she says she doesn’t know and I have also asked her if she wants to get a divorce and she says no. She moved back home with her parents and took the child. She is trying to make a living back at home living with her parents so she can get her own place and just raise our son on her own. I help her out with child support since she is not in the same state anymore. I want us to work out especially for our child but just the same I want us to work out because I think we still have something together even though she does not see it.

My questions are:
1. How am I to know what she wants?
2. How long should I wait before moving on?
3. What are some questions I should ask her to see if she does want to get back besides the regular "will we ever get back together?"
4. We have been separated for about a month now. What should my next step be in my situation.

Thanks for the help.

I have close friend who’s been married to her hubby for 6 years. They married young (19) and have 2 little girls (aged 4 and 18 months). About a year ago they were having a rough patch and had a trial separation. During the separation my friends hubby got involved with his boss, an older woman (she’s 49 and he’s 25). He’s known this other woman since he was 16 since his mom also works for the same business too. The affair was apparently very passionate. He was open to my friend about the affair but they decided to try to make things work for their kids since their youngest was an infant at the time. He also told her he’d ended it. Then about 4 months ago my friend discovered many sexual emails between her hubby and his boss. His phone records also indicated that he was calling and texting her on her personal line. She then decided to confront hubby and his boss. This woman then told my friend that she wasn’t good enough for her hubby and was a bad mom, ect and that she and my friends hubby would always be together. My friends hubby said nothing and then left work with his boss leaving his wife behind. They are in the process of filing for divorce. My friend is upset as is and now her husband is suing her for full custody of their girls. On top of this his boss is harassing my friend saying how she is going to be her kids new mommy and if she puts up a fight in court she’ll be sorry. My friend is devastated and at a loss as what to do. What are the chances she will win custody of her girls against her soon to be ex and is there anything she can do about his mistress harassing her? What sort of action would that require and could it help her win full custody?

i’m not sure what to do i need help and advice!

me and my husband are young only 19 we got married when we were 18 and i got pregnant the month after with our daughter.we were both really happy even thought we weren’t really trying.but he liked to drink occasionally 2 or 3 times a month.then when his best friend turned 21 it got to be 4 or 5 time a week and he started smoking again.we talked and he said he just wanted to get it out of his system before the baby was born and then he’d only do it on rare occasions. well our baby is now 10 weeks old and he’s going out partying till 1 2 3 o’clock in the morning because when he says he’ll be home at 12 it’s like ok you really mean a few hours later.also when he is home all he talks about are his plans to go out or his computer game if he’s not playing it. im hurt and ive told him but he hasn’t changed he’s tried but not really hard.and i’ve lost all trust in him and that hurts him but i can’t help it.i know he’s not cheating on me but there’s still that fear, especially when at 2 in the morning he says it’s just all guys chilling and the next thing i hear is a girl in the background!although hes said its just a guys girlfriend sorry i didn’t even think about her.i’ve had enough i love him but none of this is fare to me or our baby!we agreed to try a trial separation two days ago and are trying to work out the details, but i just don’t know if i can do it.my parents are willing to take me in until i can get on my feet with the baby but they don’t think we should try a separation they say we should get a devoice because in the long run it’d be better.but i love him so much it hurts!i just don’t know what to do…please help
I’d just like to say i am a good mom i do everything i can for my child she has never gone without and she never will!

i come from a very grounded family and faith in God, i just happen to be struggling right now.struggling does not make me a bad parent, for you who have had negative things to say!and for the rest thank you!

My brother is married, but going thru a separation right now ( his wife asked for a trial separation) So of course he’s beside himself and I made the mistake of telling my friend this. Because they were an "item" before he met his wife. Anyhow, my brother sent her an innocent email asking her what kind of person she thought he was while they were dating. And now all she talks about is my brother. She sends him emails regularly. But like a fool he is responding, keeping the letters going. He says that he still loves his wife & at 1st he said he wanted to work things out with her, but lately he’s be doing nothing but bad mouthing her and thinking of getting a divorce. And I am wondering how much influence my friend is having on him. She herself is single and longs to have someone in her life, and frankly, I think she sees what she wants in him, They’ve got a past, plus he’s got a new baby, and she loves babies. So she’ll have no problem playing "mommy" to his child.
Everyone can see this but him. I know he is distraught, but I really fear for him if he continues to further engage her in conversation, she ( I think ) is reading more into this than there is and I think will push him to chose her or his wife( trust me, I’ve known this woman for 10+ yrs)
What can I do as his sister?
My brothers wife also took off her wedding band. To me, this states " Hey guys, I’m available" . I probably shouldn’t have told my friend anything. maybe he wouldn’t be talking to her if he thought she didn’t know anything about the situation.
I don’t know if she is going to any kind of counceling, but I know my brother is.

I’m not sure what to do, I cant stop crying, feel like the separation was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.

Got married in 2005 all was fine, we had our ups and downs then we were pressured by his family to buying a house, I was ok with it as it meant moving forward but things changed. We saw less of each other, after a long commute we’d argue a lot, sex was non existant and I felt more isolated.

Coz I’m from another country he insisted to get my parents over to stay with us, it worked wonders we became a lot closer, things were going well after a year of worry (my side) then I was told by a stranger he cheated on me. I confronted him – it was true.

Naturally I freaked out, tried living together but argued and fought daily, constantly in tears, then I suggested a trial separation for 6 months to find ourselves. We were still in contact, but never really saw each other. Every time we talk we fight. I met someone – yes I know, and things are ok.

My ex then started dumping all debts & mortgage on me, I had no other option but to get my boyfriend to move in to help me out. I sought legal help and am now taking him to court for maintenance. I’m not coping financially and even now I still love him deeply. I cant lose my ex, it’ll be the first time seeing each other – in court. What can I say or do when court is over to make things right, even to try being friends? I love him sooooo much and it kills me to be apart. I hate my life now and everything in it. He was the one I married, how to get my marriage back? I tried asking him back but he’s still angry. I haven’t heard from him since 5 December.

Is it a good idea to do a trial separation? My wife said she wants this and to take our young child, leave me in the house. I’m cncerned about her and about my child who might be affected more living somewhere new and missing her regular kindy. Any experience or advice appreciated. From sad husband.

My husband and I have been fighting and he said that he doesn’t think he loves me anymore about three weeks ago. Since then nothing has really changed, so we’re doing a trial separation for the week. He’s going to be staying at his parents for the week while they’re gone to the beach and I’m going to stay here at home with our nine month old son and we’re not going to have any contact at all. I’m wondering.. was this a good idea? I’ve just run out of ideas and I love him so much. I just want him to realize what it is he’ll be giving up if he decides to leave, and hopefully miss me and come home and everything will be okay. I’ve been torn up for three weeks and I’m about to break. I need some idea of whats going to happen yet he refuses to discuss anything with me. He just wants to ignore it, but how is that helping? I’m scared that this was a bad idea and that he might realize he’s happier without us.. what do you think?

I have been in a relationship for 5 yrs. It has been really great but lately I have just felt the change. Soon, I want to settle down and start thinking about marriage, a family and when it comes up he says that is something he wants but not now, understandable because we are 25 & 26, what’s the rush? This weekend he was acting strange towards me and I took it like he didn’t want me around and when I asked him what it was all about he pulled the whole "I need guy time" thing which is cool and not a problem, I have never held him back from doing anything he wanted to do… ever. Later in the conversation it came out "we are just not the same people, we want different things and I don’t want to let you down" he went on to say that he has never been on his own since he moved from his parents house to his ex-gf’s house then in with me. Is a trial separation in order? Is this just a phase? Is he scared of the marriage? Should I stop wasting my time with someone who doesn’t want what I do?

My husband and I have been fighting and he said that he doesn’t think he loves me anymore about three weeks ago. Since then nothing has really changed, so we’re doing a trial separation for the week. He’s going to be staying at his parents for the week while they’re gone to the beach and I’m going to stay here at home with our nine month old son and we’re not going to have any contact at all. I’m wondering.. was this a good idea? I’ve just run out of ideas and I love him so much. I just want him to realize what it is he’ll be giving up if he decides to leave, and hopefully miss me and come home and everything will be okay. I’ve been torn up for three weeks and I’m about to break. I need some idea of whats going to happen yet he refuses to discuss anything with me. He just wants to ignore it, but how is that helping? I’m scared that this was a bad idea and that he might realize he’s happier without us.. what do you think?

My wife and I have been married for 9 years but have been a couple for nearly 15. We have (2) small children, ages 6 and 3. My wife admitted to cheating on me during at a work-related out-of-town conference about1 1/2 months ago. I forgave her and we talked about why it happened and how we would deal with it. Over the next month, things were fairly good between us. I did have trust issues but I thought we were making progress. Just last week, she told me she was very unhappy with life, work, our marriage and motherhood. Since then, all intimacy and affection has bascially stopped and it seems like we are more like roomates than a married couple. On a side note, my wife is on hormone medication and just recently started thyroid medicaion as well. Anyways, we had a long talk about our relationship and we discussed the need to see a marriage counseler. My wife couldn’t explain the reason(s) for her unhappiness and wasn’t able to answer some of my questions concerning her love for me and if she truly wanted to stay with me and the children. During our conversation, she brought up the idea of a trial separation on numerous occasions. This is where I am confused and scared. I am 100%, madly in love with my wife and adore her completely but I keep thinking that it was something I did to make her become unhappy. I’ll be the first to admit that I am not the greatest at expressing my innermost thoughts and I tend to hold my feelings back. I am totally against any type of separation because I believe we made marriage vows to stand together, in either good times and bad, and for me, leaving is not the answer. We have a marriage counseler appointment on Thursday and it feels my life is on hold until either my wife decides what she wants to do or what our counseler suggests. My biggest fear is that the counseler might agree that a separation would be beneficial and my wife would be gone by the weekend.
How do I deal with the anxiety and fear that I am feeling? Do I just need to give my wife time to figure out why she is unhappy? Any help or suggestions are surely appreciated!
The cheating episode occured once, with a complete stranger and they didn’t have intercourse. I am 100% sure that she has being faithful to me since that event occured.
My wife’s explaination for the trial separation: It would give her time to think, discover why she is unhappy and to see if being away from the kids and I would make her any happy. If after being separated, she was still unhappy, it might be a medical reason.