I have a relationship at work with someone and it’s gone from buddies to real love, but no sex, as we were both honouring our marriages. Now my husband tells me he’s not in love with me anymore and he wants a trial separation. I will be lonely and sad at my house Plus I have no kids to distract me. My guy at work has a wife who’s tolerable and many kids and has NO plans to ever leave her (he’s Catholic). But, he admits he has fallen in love with me. Do I look for another job and never see his precious, beautiful face again? Do I stay and live in hell every day I’m at the work? What should I do? I don’t know what my husband wants to do about the living arrangements.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now. We have a house, business, and 2 yr old daughter together. A lot of strain has been put on our relationship for a while now because of money and his family living with us for the last 3 years. For the past 3 months he has said that things are not working out. He says that he still loves me but just can’t live with me. At first he wouldn’t agree to go to a counselor because he said it didn’t work for him and his ex-wife. After explaining that I wasn’t his ex and that I committed to improving us, he agreed to go to counseling while on a trial separation. We both agreed that we would NOT see other people while separated. So my question is: Is it ok to keep having sex while we are separated? Is it ok to call each other endearing terms and to tell each other I love you?
Please only answer if you have been in this situation, know someone in this situation, or are a therapist.

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I have been married for 9 yrs and we have two very small children (both under the age of 3). For years we have been drifting apart for several reasons (my husband has OCD which caused years of stress, anxiety and hurt feelings, he was controlling, verbally abusive, I closed myself off to him, didn’t communicate, etc). Things came to a boiling point last year and I asked for a separation. My husband begged me to stay, we started marriage counseling, and with help of medication his temperament and mood have improved some. Things of course are not 100% great but there is less stress in the house than before and he has been trying.

Now the problem is me. I can’t seem to get myself back to the place where I feel close to him like a spouse should. I love him as a friend and as the father of my children but I am not in love with him. I like spending time together with him and the kids as family time but I don’t enjoy his company one on one anymore. I don’t want him to touch me, I don’t want to touch him or be intimate. And as much as I try and force myself to do these things with him I just feel empty doing them.

I have told him all this, which hurts him. He doesn’t just want me to be his friend, he wants his spouse back. I don’t blame him. I want my spouse back too. I want to feel those feelings towards him again but I just cant.

Now our house is finally sold and I am at a crossroads at what to do. Should I continue on with him and buy a new house, or should I take this opportunity not having a mortgage and ask for a trial separation? I know living apart will be hard because of the kids but I feel like getting away from him is the only way I will be able to think clearly about all this. I feel that time apart will either make me see how wonderful he really is and how I do love him, or will just confirm my fear that we are better apart.

Should I stay or should I go?
We have been in marriage counseling for over a year now, going every week or every other week.

Technorati Tags: boiling point, crossroads, family time, father of my children, fear, feelings, marriage, marriage counseling, medication, mortgage, ocd, spending time, stress anxiety, temperament, trial separation

Sorry, this is going to be long. My wife and I agreed to an unofficial (trial) separation for a period of 3 - uncertain months at our 4th couples counseling. I met my wife when she had just turned 20 at a very uncertain point in her life. I was 28 at the time. We’ve been together a little over 13 years. Over the years, we grew apart; partly I was too engulfed in the American dream, building a home and security. A lot of my time, at least the last 5 years was spent in DIY home projects, anything I could learn and do-it-myself (landscaping, flooring, anything to save money from hiring pros). We did less of what we loved and our weekends went by with memories of mostly home projects (chores). I became a different person for sure. As such, we did less of anything special and practically became just roommates. We also argued and disagreed and while I admitted all this (home projects) was a big mistake, taking away all our quality time away from us, she felt it was habituated in me. We were gifted with a son last summer (which many first time parents know is very challenging). This summer, my wife expressed her unhappiness, her sense of being lost, anxious and disconnect from our relationship. I tried to be the problem solver, but it got nowhere. Finally, on our 4th session, she expressed she had merely gone along with me and never had a chance to discover and take care of herself alone, and put unanswered pieces of her life together. I admit I have been more than a husband to her and that I have tried to protect her from falling down (maybe from my own experience and age difference). I must point out we also have a cultural/race difference. She was born and raised in US and I was born and raised in south Asia though I feel I have very little ties to my own culture. For sure, I don’t think I follow my forefathers’ patriarchal values (same reason why I went to school and live in the US).

I have been staying at my sister’s place and the separation has been almost a month now. I have been going to my own personal counseling to work on my own issues and she is seeing her own counselor. I know when I check with my wife about our relationship, she is tensed and almost agitated. But, we see each other almost everyday as I am sharing our parental responsibility and I have been walking our dogs several days a week. Once a week, we are at least physically intimate and our communication has become more thoughtful (we listen to each other). She doesn’t mind seeing me. As I write, we are actually going out to dinner tonight leaving the baby with the sitter. What I don’t understand is (since she has made it sternly clear that she doesn’t know if it will take her 3 or six months to decide if she wants to get back together) that whether she is just testing the waters, in denial and staying in comfort zone (since we see each other almost everyday) or slowly and painlessly phasing out our relationship to a permanent separation (aka divorce). For my part, I want to do everything possible to save our marriage because I strongly believe we have just drifted apart, but with sincere effort and work, we can merge back together again.

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I think/feel like I’m going crazy. My bf moved out of state. We agreed on a trial separation b/c the job market here is so bad. Well, he’s not doing much better there. He has a job, but it doesn’t even cover what he pays out, so the plan to get financially ahead is dead in the water, unless he finds a 2nd and/or 3rd job too.

I’ve asked him to return. I’ve moved into a MUCH smaller space, and have gotten a promotion since he left. We’ve been in this relationship for almost 10 years and I love him dearly. I don’t know how to carry on without him, especially when our plan doesn’t seem to be working. He’s only been gone 2 months. I have days where I can’t think of anything at all. My heart just aches. He says he doesn’t want to return until the financial mess is cleared up because he wants us to have a future together. That if he were to come home to soon, we may begin to argue again and it may lead to a permanent break.

I trust his feelings for me. How do I cope with the loss? I have a 14 year old son, and no family here. I actually moved here to be with him. (ironic) and only a few friends at work, but we don’t see each other socially.

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Me and L been together (engaged) for 5 yrs & I love her with all my heart. We got 3 boys (12, 9, & 3), she works full-time and I look after the kids. They mean the world to me, and we just got settled in gorgeous rural cottage with chickens and rabbit.
She recently told me, out the blue, that she hasn’t felt the same for me for past 3 yrs and wants a trial separation for one month, can I move to my parents?
After regretful shouting I moved out but am at a total loss as to what’s happened. I have been taking kids to school daily, and obviously seeing her while I pick them up, and finishing morning housework, and "baby" sitting whenever needed.
We are going away (still I think) at end of month with kids, maybe to see if it’s worked or not, but what do I do ’til then? Am I just being taken for a mug? What else can I do when kids involved?

Technorati Tags: amp, chickens, full time, google, hasn, heart, housework, parents, rabbit, script type, text javascript, trial separation

wife wants trial separation but wants to host?
This is my 2 nd part question today. Like I said we are going thru a rough patch in my marriage. Wife is mad at me for the financial mess and other problems. We both work etc.That besides the point, she has told me shes not in love with me and wants a trial separation for 2 weeks WHERE WE DONT SEE OTHERS.
She wants a break and space.
We have some guys we hosted a month ago for weeks, musicians whom my wife works with on some projects etc. I have told her we need time to focus on us. So next month we cant host them again for a few days. We need time to fix us in quiet in our home. Shes very concerned now that i promised that id host them next month, and how odd it will look on her that last month we were so hospitable and next month i dont want to host them . I told her not to worry about that. They are grown men and know several other ppl in our state. I said our focus should be treating each other right and working on US. My wife has become easily irritable and doesnt want to work on this marriage it seems. I said its ironic that we cant fix us but want to extend warmth to others.
What do you think?

Technorati Tags: few days, financial mess, love, marriage, musicians, ppl, rough patch, trial separation, warmth

he and I have been together for four years-after three years he proposed, and asked me to move in with his fam. for 6 months and then we’d get our own place and get married..after I moved 6 hours from home to be with him, he changed his mind and said that we should live with them for him (so he can finish college-which is very reasonable) so I waited a year and now decided to move back home-we are on a "trial separation"

I was ready to come here and start a family with him and then he tells me that he wants me to wait! I wish he would’ve told me sooner-I need a fam. and if he and I aren’t starting our own fam. then I need my fam..we’ll get back together (he said we will) until then I’ll wait for him somewhere I won’t feel isolated..I am isolated here..but now I’m worried: what if he doesn’t want to get back together?!? if he leaves me then this was a mistake..because I don’t want to leave him or him to leave me..I just wanted to be near my fam. until he was ready to start our own fam.
I’ve been on my own since I was 14—now I’m 18 and ready to be apart of something bigger than myself, he promised me that and now he is going back on his word by saying he wants to wait to fulfill that promise, my heart is broken and I have a right to be alittle scared

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Hi everybody, i am currently on a trail separation with my Wife, it’s her choice. She wants to see how life is without me. We live with her in laws, i actually moved to the US to be with her, and i am starting school here. So regardless if we split or not i will be going, but i don’t want to split.

We sleep in separate bedrooms, work different schedules, we occassionally eat together. We still cuddle, kiss. Although sometimes she doesn’t want to, she says it doesn’t feel right, she loves kissing me but she isn’t ready to be romantic again yet. She still wears her wedding bands and asks me to do so. She is becoming friends with her old best friend who tried to break us up, and i want to know how to handle everything and how to get her back as my loving Wife.

She wants a trial separation, how do i show her during that trial that i’m the one for her? Do i shower her with gifts and kisses, or quite the opposite?

Help me please, women primarily!

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my husband and i are separated. he says that we are because we need time to ourselves to clear our minds of some things. he bases some of his decisions according to the "Word". he doesn’t believe in adultery or divorce. but i’m afraid that during this trial separation, he me find companionship else where or he may not return to me.

Technorati Tags: adultery, companionship, decisions, Divorce, google, script type, text javascript, trial separation