My fiance has been paying child support to the county in New York for 18 years, due to his mother being on social services. Now his son no longer lives with his mother and my fiance wants to prove that so he no longer has to pay support , or can change the support to go directly to him. Any information would be helpful.

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I live in CA and my wife and I are going through a divorce.We are also going through a custody battle our our 2 daughters(3&4)I have two prior misdemeanor domestic violence charges.The first one was 4 years ago and the most recent was this past February.Neither incidents were serious hence the reason they were dropped to misdemeanors.I am going to the classes,completed my community service and paid all my fines.I have not gotten into any kind of trouble since.My counselor wrote me an excellent progress report and I am half way to completing my classes.

Today we went to mediation and I mentioned a drug abuse problem my wife has had for at least the past 2 years.She was ordered to submit to a drug test and she did not show up.We have court on the 9th of November and I am extremely worried about the outcome.Do I have agood chance of gaining custody since she automatically tested positive by not showing up?Or will they take them away from both of us?Or do she have a good chance of keeping our kids if she does not have a bad record?I don’t mind if she has full custody I only hope they don’t take them away from us.Please help!Thank you!
Thank you for the answer, although Social services is not involved, it’s all through he court so the judge will have the last word.I’m just very worried because you are right,I did open up a can of worms and I regret it so much.I just want to hear some opinions.
Thank you jusjokin, I feel so sad because I love my kids so much that I don’t want them exposed to drugs but at the same time I feel extremely worried about the outcome because like you say they are the ones that suffer, again thank you.
Thank you cstina, I am really trying to better myself in every way that I can for them and for myself also.

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A woman I know of is most likely going to lose her kids due to abuse. Kentucky social services is talking about giving "indefinate" custody to one of the kids’ (divorced) grandparents or other relatives like an aunt or uncle.

How will they determine who will get the children? Living conditions, location (as in how close to the mother), financial stability, etc? Can an unmarried, heterosexual, financially stable couple ask for custody? How much will small-town politics help someone who doesn’t deserve the kids gain custody? If custody is granted to someone and they move in with the mother, will social services re-take the kids?

**Anything** you can tell me related to the above would be appreciated, especially if you can provide links.

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Recently whilst my wife was heavily pregnant my mother-in-law has been looking after our 8 year old son for the last week to help us out. We have now asked for him back but she has said she wont bring him back because he likes her more and he’ll be happier living with her!? well, she is his Grandmother and has spent the last week being spoilt rotten so of course he’s going to want to stay for a bit longer!
We’re now not sure what we should do next? I don’t want to go and snatch him back as that would cause to much of an upsetting scene for him and as this isn’t his fault I don’t want to put him through that. So, should we contact the police or Social services to help us so they can contact her and make her realise that what she’s doing is wrong? or is there another avenue? (other than mediation by us as that has failed) I’ve never been in this situation before and I honestly think she’s lost the plot so if anyone knows then your help would be much appreciated.

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hi there i am going through a divorce and my ex husband and mind you the only reason why he is my ex husband is because he decided to take out his anger on my one month old daughter. well this is the divorce settlement and if i object which i do we will have to go to mediation he is going to be going to jail for at least two years do you think i will get anything out of this divorce i am not asking for alot i am just asking for insurance to be covered on me and my kids. for all medical bills to be payed by him for the kids right now due to social services i cant work long story dont want to get into it but i can work soon but my daughter has 1,000.00 a week in medical bills due to her physical theripist ocupational theripist, due to him shaking her. and i want his profit sharing to go into a trust fund for my daugther and son i am not asking for money for myself i am not asking for the house or car or anything like that i am just asking for my kids and myself to be on health insuarce mind you that he doesnt have to pay for a prenim every pay check his job does that for him so he gets free health insurace basicaly through his work so i dont see the point but here what he wants to see what happens Dear Ashley,Thank you for your offer, I have reviewed it and I am responding to you with my settlement offer. At your convenience please review and let me know if this is acceptable as I have tried to incorporate some of your previous requests in this all inclusive settlement offer.
1. The marital home of Christopher and Ashley Dahl at 71. E. Ilex Ct. currently has a loan to value deficit of approximately -,000.00 1/2 of which (00.00) is Ms. Dahl’s responsibility. Christopher Dahl will keep the house and relieve her of the 00.00 amount owed from the loss.1A:Personal Loans from Henry Sarja to Christopher and Ashley Dahl during the length of their marriage:New Carpet: 00.00Monthly Loan of 0.00 for 26 months: ,400.00Emergency Loans of 00.00 (asked twice by Ashley Dahl to cover the house payment for them)Total Due to Henry Sarja: ,100.00 Ms. Dahl’s share is 50.00 due to Henry SarjaChristopher Dahl will also relieve Ms Dahl of her responsibility to Henry S Sarja for personal loans made to Christopher and Ashley Dahl during the marriage.Ashley Dahl agrees to sign a quit claim deed to Christopher Dahl within the next 30 days on the property known as 71 E. Ilex Court Milliken, CO 80543 if needed.2.The 1998 Dodge Stratus is also of negative loan to value which is approximately –0.00 1/2 of which is Ashley Dahl’s responsibility (0.00). This vehicle is now in need of significant repairs which are Steering pump and HVAC control module. Christopher Dahl will keep the car and accept the financial responsibility for Ms Dahl’s amount owed.3.Christopher Dahl will accept responsibility for all medical bills for Ashley Dahl and Wyatt and Nichole Dahl for the entire length of marriage and up to the date of divorce filing provided that all dates of service (appointments) must be prior to date of filing of divorce December 13, 2008 and must have been from an approved Medical provider through Mr. Dahl’s health insurance plan.All other medical bills after December 13, 2008 for Wyatt and Nichole Dahl will be split equally between the parties, Mr. Christopher Dahl and Ms. Ashley Dahl.Ms Ashley Dahl also agrees she will make sure that any medical necessary treatments, and check ups for Wyatt and Nichole Dahl shall be from medical providers through Mr. Dahl’s health insurance plan.All medical and dental bills for Ashley Dahl incurred after the date of divorce filing of December 13, 2008 are her responsibility in their entirety. All medical bills incurred after December 13, 2008 will be split equally between Mr. Christopher Dahl and Ms. Ashley Dahl provided they are for Wyatt and Nichole Dahl only. All medical and dental bills for Ashley Dahl incurred after December 13, 2008 are entirely Ashley Dahl’s responsibility.4.Christopher Dahl will continue to provide medical coverage for the children Wyatt and Nichole Dahl as long as he is continually employed and it is available at reasonable costs.5.Both parties agree that no maintenance payment shall be made to or from either party.6.In return, Ashley Dahl will release all interest in the house at ******************, and the 1998 Dodge Stratus and all interest and/or amounts due her from the Profit Sharing account at R&R Engineering under Christopher Dahl.

Respectfully yours,Chris Dahl

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My fiance and I are going to court for custody of his daughter. We are asking the court to give us temporary full custody based on the living conditions she is in when she’s with her mom.

The mom shares a one bedroom apartment with seven other people and an eighth lives in a garage. The mom sees nothing wrong with these living conditions and feels insulted that we are trying to get temporary custody because of this.

The little girl says that the people in the house hit her and that when she rides in a car with her mom that she sits on a pillow between the two front seats and ducks when a police officer drives by because all other seats are full. The problem is we haven’t seen any obvious bruises and have no way of proving that these things are happening. We did file a report with Social Services and they interviewed the family in the presence of the little girl and determined that she didn’t always do as she was told so if she was being hit, there was probably a reason (I’m not kidding, this is what the man told me.)

My fiance and the mom went to mediation and were unable to come to an agreement so the case went back to the judge. The judge requested that they come back because the mom hadn’t brought a translator, didn’t have money to hire a translator there and hadn’t served a response.

Since they were unable to come up with an agreement in mediation (the mom refused to budge at all, she thinks that his fri night to mon morning is too much time already and sees nothing wrong with her environment) the mediator suggested a custody evaluator which he said could cost up to ,000.00.

My fiance and I both work and make enough money to support ourselves, take care of his daughter’s needs and pay for a two-bedroom apartment so his daughter can have her own room. We aren’t using lawyers because we really can’t afford it and I’m totally fine with working extra hours and doing whatever we have to do to get a custody evaluation done, but don’t want to get so far in debt that we can’t support the little girl if we get her. We’d like the mom to pay for half of the evaluation, but she doesn’t work.

Are we better off taking our chances with the judge and hoping that the judge sees her environment as unacceptable and paying for the evaluation so that a professional can determine what’s best for this child? Or would we be better off giving up on getting her a bed in a bedroom (that’s all we’re asking the mom to provide for her) and trying to get a little extra time and stipulations stating no corporal punishment?

I think the living conditions are unexceptable and that the little girl deserves every opportunity available to her and that she’s worth fighting for. But if the courts, social service, cutody evaluators, mediators and all other players involved don’t see anything wrong with where she currently is, I don’t want to keep fighting a battle that we won’t win. I’d rather pour that money into a family vacation fund and college fund for the child and just make the most of every minute we get to spend with her. Advice????

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My husband and I are concerned about his daughter because her mother lies so much, and is basically doing every thing in her power to keep him away from his daughter, even if it means hurting her. This little girl has to get a new "daddy" every time her mother gets a new boyfriend. The guy moves in, she calls him "Dad" and then he can’t take the mother and moves out until the next one comes. They can’t keep and apartment, and constantly moving in and out of the grandmothers. My husband and I are distraught over the kind of life his daughter has, and afraid that she might be confused and miserable. We’ve tried Social Services, CPS, Mediation, filing a petition, the law guardian, and everyone is pointing us to someone else. This kid is nine and sobs when her dad leaves, and her mother is telling her all kinds of crazy things about him. Who can we get to look out for her and make sure she is ok, or to order counseling???

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