I am coming home from Iraq and My wife and I both have grown tremendously apart we are doing everything we can to keep from getting a divorce for the sake of our marriage and our children.

My husband and i been married for 3 years the last 2 years of my marriage life is hell on earth …
he’s not willing to compromise for anything .

our problems and fights mainly consists on life basics needs he never gives me any money to buy clothes for the kids emotionally abusive and very controlling .

i had put up with him only for the sake of our 2 kids .

ive tried everything with him talking nothing seems to work
we live in one bedroom apartment (me /him and my 2 kids sleep in the same room )he has been promising to move to a bigger apartment for the last year now

i have endured his imaginary promises but i can not take the emotional abuse anymore
he owns a real estate company and he can still find a decent apartment for the same price yet he does nothing
i’m not allowed to work or do anything i live in different country
every time we have a fight he tells me to pack my bag and get the FCUK out of the house still i hang around for the sake of my kids

nevertheless i can live much better with my parents back home

the last incident when we had a fight and he threat me with divorce and call my parents he told them that he will send me back home

after all of his manipulative emotional abuse than he acts like nothing happened
the last 2 days he raised his hand trying to knock me out in my face he didn’t touch me but he wanted to i guess the only reason because he knows that i can call the police

this is the first time i told him i’m done with his emotional abuse he doesn’t respect me at all adding stingy bot good in bed and the list goes on

i can not continue with him or even for the kids i will take the kids now and leave
he tells me that im a bad woman because i didn’t standby his side when he is in crisis not like he gave a sincere apology

he never apologized for anything he buys him self a 1000 dollars shoes and drives a 2010 car i know he is not in crisis as he pretends however he wants his 6 month old baby to wear the same clothes since newborn it’s killing me to see my babies living less than they deserve

finally i came with a solution with him that i cant take it anymore and i’m leaving just like he says to pack my shit and fuck off

because ei know deep inside that nothing well going to change i can live with a poor person if he is good to me but there is nothing positive about him
social life zero love life zero
i need advice if i’m taking the good decision or should i wait more and give him a chance after 100 chance or am i just wasting my time
and just today he told me that he will not move to a bigger apartment just because he doesn’t want to .

i strongly believe that marriage is for good and for worse
im just want to give him a lesson that he i will not allow him to terat me in this manner he says if i leave he will not have us bacj anymore still i want to leave nothing will change
any expeience or advice would be helpfull thank you in advance

Firstly thank you for taking the time to open this query. I truly appreciate it even if you can’t offer assist.

Sadly my husband has died after a long period of illness that lasted 6 years. He died of natural causes . We had no children and my family has now all gone home. I do not know what I am feeling. As yet I have not cried that much therefore some think that I see his death as a blessing. I think I am afraid to cry as I know that I may never stop. Even although he was very poorly this last 6 months he was only in hospital for the last day of his life. He died within 24 hours after admission. The funeral was on Wednesday 13 April He died at 11pm on Sunday 3 April.

I do not think I need assist with benefits as someone from Social Security ( I think they are called Work and Pensions now) is coming to aid me filling forms for benefits next week. I just don’t know what to do or feel now. I am in sheltered housing and feel very alone at present. When someone is ill and you choose to care for them at home many friends fall by the wayside. The remaining few were a lot older than my husband and I and have since died.

I do have a dog and cat so I do have to force myself to get up and go out for their sake. I only have my brother living close by and I am sad to say that as much as I love him he has his own problems not least being that he is alcohol dependent.

Simply because of his problems I am rather wary about opening a bottle of wine but in all fairness I must state that my husband and I very rarely indulged in alcohol and even when we did it was only ever two or three glasses of wine each.

I am very deaf therefore phoning Samaritans is out to the question. I do not believe in a God therefore going to churches is not an option . I have lots of faults but hypocrisy is not one of them I will not go into a church and talk with the clergy. I truly respect all those who do believe too much for that. Another reason I would not go to the clergy stems from mistrust for a large potion of my childhood I was in care along with my siblings after our mother died. I was nearly 16 when Dad remarried and we all left the children’s home to live with him and his new wife. The home was run by one of the Christian Churches and suffice to say that has coloured my perception of Christianity and all clergy in particular.

Can you please offer me any websites that are genuine and not asking for money or conversion to a religious belief,

I have also posted this query in marriage and divorce as I am unsure if I am in the correct category

Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for your answer.

Did remarry your ex-spouse? Did it work the second time around? Why did you go back? Was it a disaster and you wish you had tried, again? Do you wish you never reconciled? How common is this? I think it is rare. But I don’t know.

I was married for 2 and half years, before filing. Divorced him because he was verbally and emotionally abuse, gambling, stealing, cheating, substance abuse, etc. I reconciled after divorce for sake of family (small children), believing he was a changed man. He changed for about a year, and went back to his old ways. We did not remarry. We stayed together for 4 more years, total of 9 years. No regrets though. After marriage counselling several times and many promises, I decide to stop torturing myself. It was a disaster to try to fix a relationship that was not fixable. It wasn’t meant to be.

My husband is in a codependent relationship with his brother, who has issues with gambling and substance, and who has been in and out of prison for the past 6 years. H "detached" from brother and was doing well, but now BIL is out of jail, and I learned from a credit card bill that H had rented a car for BIL for a month and a half on our insurance, using his own license. BIL has a suspended license for DUIs. If there had been an accident where there were injuries or death, we would have been liable, and insurance wouldn’t have covered it. We could have lost everything — house, assets, the works, and with three teens headed for college, it would have been disastrous. I can’t believe my husband did this without consulting me, and that he did something that put the family’s financial welfare at stake. I can’t trust my husband anymore and would like to protect our assets. I would like to avoid divorce for the kids’ sake, but is that possible in this case?
Thanks for responses so far. To respond to Frank, my H and I separated for 6 months 4 years ago over these issues. At that time, H was pulling money out of bank accounts to bail B out, and another time, pressuring me to take out a Home Equity on our home to save B’s house in foreclosure. H did some therapy and recovery for his codependency because he was not "helping" but destroying himself and his own family to enable his brother, and we reconciled with H committing to stop enabling. Now, it is the same cycle over and over again. If H did not learn after a separation, how will he learn if I just sit down and have a "chat" with h im? This has all been tried before, but the pattern is continuing, and now it includes lying to me as well. There will be no college for these 3 kids if an incident like this happens again.

My boyfriend and his ex have been separated for almost two years. (The two year mark will be in March.) They are still married due to money issues. They share a child together, but have custody and support in order already through the courts. Does anyone know the divorce laws in Pennsylvania? We all get along great, as weird as that sounds. We even do extended "family" outings together for the child’s sake, and because him and her get along so much better now that they are not married. It’s a crazy situation, but it works. That’s besides the point. Both are ready for finally file for divorce. However, her attorney was going to file, and that would cost them each 5. I didn’t know if they would be able to file themselves easily. I was searching PA divorce and it says that you have to file not only divorce papers, but marriage settlement agreement in the case of custody and support. Does that need to be done even though they already have a court order in place for those two issues? It’s a non-contested divorce, they share nothing besides a child and we all just want it over and done with.
Yes, they are STILL married. However, she is in a serious relationship now for almost 2 years, and so are we for almost two years. The marriage is over and the custody is set. Everything is fine and dandy the way it is and it works.

My husband and I have a terrible relationship with his sons mother, we try so hard to have a positive relationship with her but she does everything she can to keep the relationship negative.

the child is 5 and his father and i have been married since he was 2 … our relationship is great, he loves me with all his heart he calls me his second mommy, he doesn’t remember a time when i was not in his life.

she treats her sons father like he is a piece of crap who doesnt deserve to be in his sons life

( keep in mind he has been in his sons life since day one, pays 200% more child support then he is required to monthly and has for the last 3 years, for the first 2 years he paid the required amount in full every month tho, he has his son the last 3 weekends in the month and has liberal access during the week that he uses to see his son 4 days a week for 2 or more hours after school. he is very involved with his education he does his home work with him 2 nights a week and speaks to his teacher about his progress once a week, he calls him every night at 7:30 to ask him about his day and say good night.. and so much more but i want to get to the point of my question)

she just feels with all her heart that the child is HER child and nobody can say anything to her… she wont even be civil with us for the childs sake she refuses to communicate and when we try she only starts arguments… we have resorted to keeping all communication strictly to email, and she still starts arguments over email ….we do not take the arguments personally and we DO NOT FULE HER IN ARGUMENTS … my husband and i both agree to never let her upset us to the point that we argue back, when she is rude and rambunctious we stay polite and calm…emails really help with that because it gives us the time to relax and reply appropriately.

SO that brings me to my question …. is there relationship counselling for the 3 of us to go to so we can work on our relationship?

at least so we can get to the point that we can be in the same room…
what happens if the child is in the hospital its like we cant go because his mother will make a scene
or at his wedding or graduation…

so she has filed for sole custody we are in the process of filing our response and i thought it might be a good idea to ask the court to order some kind of relationship counselling

im not saying i want to be her best friend or anything but the 3 of us need to be able to communicate simple messages at the least right?

what kind of counselling should i request?
you clearly did not understand the question …. WHO said he was a player .. and WHO said he was not raising his child … he NEVER cheated on any body … they dated for 10 years then when she got pregnant she broke up with him saying she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship AFTER he proposed 2 times … he did everything he could to keep there relationship together including going to relationship concealing and she said no .. she just didnt want to be in a relationship .. she has been single since then .. not even gone on one date… i put all that effort in to giving details of the situation so you would understand that he is a GOOD father who is there for his son every day … what part of
HE CALLES HIM EVERY NIGHT AT 7:30
HE HAS HIM EVERY WEEKEND BUT THE FIRST WEEKEND IN THE MONTH
HE PAYES 200% MORE CHILD SUPPORT THEN REQUIRED
HE PICKS HIM UP 4 NIGHTS A WEEK TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER
not to mention they where completely broken up before i met him and he told me about his son an
HOME WORK FOR A 5 YEAR OLD:
every night he has a book to read, the parents are required to fill out a form about how he did with the book, eg: to hard/ to easy /had trouble with 4 letter words /or what ever the comments you might have
work sheets:
eg, colour all the rectangles yellow, draw 5 squares, trace the rectangles THINGS OF THAT NATURE
he has a numbers book, a shapes book and a letters book all with multiple work sheets and he is required to do a specific number every night
ALSO he is in tutoring and his tutor gives him various assignments … eg; find 3 things in your house that look like a square … and so on
PLUS he has flash cards for letters and number that we do every weekend
maybe the education system is different in your country .. im in ontario canada
ALSO he started school when he was 3 years old .. he went to a private school he wore the cute little sweater vest and everything … he had a year of pre school when he was 3, then a year of junior kindergarden at 4 and now he is in kindergarden at 5 .. and its his first year in public school … next year will be grade 1 and he will be 6 and im sure the home work will continue

I have a dear friend who is just beginning the process of divorce from her husband of 7 years. They have a six year old daughter. Amongst her concerns are how she and her daughter’s Daddy handle the process and significant changes with their daughter. They plan to take things very slow for their daughter’s sake and hope things to be settled amiably and via arbitrator (in California, USA)).

I told her I’d research on-line support groups and other resources for her…starting w/ this saavy community.

Can you please share on-line support groups, websites and readings that you found MOST helpful…

Thank you in advance…

Suppose, for the sake of argument, that a woman works and brings home most of the bread for 6 years while her husband finishes his education, who then goes on to earn over 0,000/yr.

She gave up her career as a production operator at a factory with an earning potential of up to ,000.

Were they to divorce, should her alimony be based on the success he achieved, or the lost wages she forwent?

So I kind of know what I have to do, I just want to know if anyone else is in a similar situation. Our marital trouble started lasted year and has not improved. I don’t think I want to try to fix it. I am done. Anyways I have expressed my feelings, and he said "Ok guess I will start looking for an apartment." That said he seems to have amnesia and forgets the minute he wakes in the morning. I don’t want to be out right mean, for the sake of our daughter, but I want him out. I can’t stand him anymore. We are not romantic, we are just friends and in many ways always have been. Does anyone else have a spouse that likes to forget or ignore what is going on in the house?
I do not appreciate the implication that I am not a good mother because a month ago I asked if anyone else just wants to get a way once in a while. It is uncalled for. The answers to that question will show you that I am not the only one that wants to have some time to themselves once in a while. Would you rather your daughter be in an unhappy marriage for the next 18 years, and be miserable? I guess you would say yes for the sake of the dad uh? Nice.
Oh and thanks to the first answer. You have given me some things to think about. I appreciate your constructive critcism.