My fears are that perhaps I will make a mistake, that I will divorce him out of anger and resentment but I still have feelings.
However you can still love someone but be very very unhappy and I have tried EVERYTHING for 12 years.

Have you ever divorced someone out of desperation for change??

So here is my situation and please respond honestly and not with any stupid answers.

I have been married for almost 10 years. During that entire time my husband has had serious anger issues, control issues, and essentially has acted like a teenager. Screaming, Arguing constantly, threatening to harm himself….We have managed not to have these fights in front of our child. We have one child together that is 9. We have been to therapy several times during the course of the marriage. I by no means are a perfect person, but my husband admits to the anger and control issues. Finally after 10 years of walking on eggshells, and making the peace I finally feel like I have had enough. Now he is tucking his tail between his legs and is saying he sees the error of his ways. That he is willing to do WHATEVER needs to be done to save the marriage. Essentially last night the therapist said it was up to me to make the decision on if we divorce or not. I have said "I’m done" for over a month…so the question remains….can these changes really occur? Can I leave the resentment and hurt behind and move forward? Or is it best just to cut ties amicably and move on with our lives or should I give him "one more chance"? I like the fact I am not having to report in on my whereabouts all the time, and that I can actually go out with my friends without worrying about is he home sulking because he wasn’t invited…..Anyone out there with previous experience in this?

The finaly decision last night in therapy was for me to try a "trial seperation" and see if I wanted to be single or not. Do these ever work or are we just treading water here?

BTW…I am 32, he is 39….

I just don’t understand the logic behind it ! there will always be resentment,yet some still hang around for the bitter pain !

I just don’t understand the logic behind it ! there will always be resentment,yet some still hang around for the bitter pain !

I just don’t understand the logic behind it ! there will always be resentment,yet some still hang around for the bitter pain !

I just don’t understand the logic behind it ! there will always be resentment,yet some still hang around for the bitter pain !

BF and I are both in our 40s. I’m divorced with two kids, he’s never been married. We’ve been dating almost a year and a half, talked of a future together and were very serious. We have been fighting in a cycle of about every 2-3 weeks. Basically, things would be very good and he would pull back or be non-committal about plans. That would stem some kind of abandonment issues in me, and I’d react by further pulling back. We’d go a couple days not talking and then we’d talk about it and be closer than before. This pattern has gone on too many times and was wearing us both down. He suggested about 6 weeks ago we go to counseling. In the context he said it, I wasn’t ready to go with him because I felt like he wasn’t taking any responsibility for his contributing to this cycle and he just wanted someone to tell me it was all my fault. Anyway, 3 weeks ago we had a fight (same basic dance), and I was so upset about it, I called my employee assistance program and started seeing a therapist and read a couple of books on high conflict relationships and the linkage between thoughts and feelings. The therapist asked if he would come in, which I let him know after one of my sessions. I let him know I was finding it really helpful in identifying what was behind my abandonment reactions and I felt like I was understanding things so much better.

He went home to spend the holidays with his family, that was 8 days ago. The night before he left, we talked (heated) about resentment we were both feeling. I said I wasn’t sure once there is resentment if there’s anything that can be done. I asked him if he thought we should keep talking, take a break to let the resentment subside, or walk away. It felt like he was blaming me for everything and not taking any responsibility for triggering though his actions, what was causing my responses. He would basically try to get up and leave any time I would say anything that inferred it was both of us who needed to work on our issues and it wasn’t one sided. He eventually left in a huff.

Two days ago, I had heard nothing from him in the 6 days he’d been gone and sent him a happy thanksgiving text, said I hoped he was enjoying his visit with his family, that the therapist asked if he would go with me and I looked forward to seeing him when he got back. I received NO response and either later that day or the next day he unfriended me on facebook (yes, i find that immature).

So, any thoughts? I don’t get why now that I’m seeing a therapist and extended it that she wanted to know if he would come in, he seems to want nothing to do with it. It was HIS idea 6 weeks ago.
This is literally the single thing we have issue with. Outside of this, we have a strong relationship, supportive, have fun together, enjoy the same things, make each other laugh. That’s why we have something worth saving, but if this issue can’t be resolved, we’ll both walk away. Maybe that’s his decision. Why he wouldn’t at least say so and just unfriend me in such a high school way is perplexing.

I just don’t understand the logic behind it ! there will always be resentment,yet some still hang around for the bitter pain !

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, 5 years married. We have a 5 year old daughter. April 2009, I found out that he cheated on me when he went out of town for a college reunion. When I asked him why he cheated, he said that I wasn’t giving him any attention and that’s why he did what he did. I admit that we were at a rough patch in the marriage and have to mention that I have caught my husband in a few indiscretions. I"ve seen him on sex sites and dating sites as well as read inappropriate text messages and emails and have caught him in lies about his whereabouts in the past.

We have been to marriage counseling, which really didn’t do much for me and I even put him out for a few weeks. When I let him come back home, he re-proposed to me and gave me a new ring. He stated that he would never hurt me again and that he was committed to working on the marriage.

I have to say that I love my husband very much, but have feelings of resentment and of course mistrust. I have had bouts of depression and at times find myself angry with myself for "allowing" him to disrespect me and not walking away. I feel like because I let him back that he’s "gotten away" with it. If I we didn’t have a child together, I definitely would not have continued with the relationship.

I’m at the point now, where I am heavily considering a trial separation to allow myself some time to figure out what I want and to do some personal healing however, I am terrified of being a single parent and being alone. My daughter is in love with her father and would truly be devastated and I am from another country and don’t have any relatives where we live so my support system is very limited.

I truly do love my husband with all my heart and am terribly saddened to the point of tears, at the thought of leaving, but think that this might be what I need to regain my self respect and figure out what I want as an individual. I don’t want a divorce and I’m not intersted in another man.

My husband does not want to separate, but is trying his best to be supportive of whatever my decision may be. Problem is, I don’t know what to do and I know that the indecisiveness is not healthy either.

I just want to do the right thing…

Having trouble communicating with daughters 12,15 & 18. I’ve been living by myself for the last year. Told I ask to many questions. Just trying to find out whats new in thier lives. Am I out of line ? Asked the 15 y.o. "how her sister was tonight" on the phone and she got lippy. 12 y.o. says she glad we didn’t get 50/50 parenting time over attemping to help her with homework. 18 y.o. suggests maybe everybody is stressed, final orders is 3 days away after over year of lawyers etc. 18 y.o. says I ask same questions"like how is everybody". I learned from that to talk about something else. still feel alot of resentment or something. Suggestions are welcome !
I didn’t and don’t want a divorce. Parental evaluator lists 4 causes of failed marriage. Communications, peri-menipause,my drinking and failing health of our mothers(both requiring lots of help (stress).
I made some poor choices drinking to cope with stress and physically assualted wife once in long, long term marriage. I’m accoutable for my choices and kids see I got help for anger, depression and alcohol (haven’t drank in 13 months, no desire). Wife just gave up, won’t even talk about reconcilliation. Justs wants divorce and vindictive and greedy. Not feeling self pity any longer, I changed because, I WAS WRONG and still love her. I know this isn’t the right thing to do, it’s out of my control. Just have faith some day she’ll talk and maybe. Any comments now ? Just want the best for kids and wife.