My husband I have been separated for over a year, My counselor said that thee is more domestic violence in the marriage than the biopolar. He says things to me that sound threatening and then apologizes. I would like to get out of the marriage there is property involved but I cannot afford an attorne. I have been working on my credit and would like to protect myself from liabilty since there are things in both our names.




Domestic violence and child custody?




I live in CA and my wife and I are going through a divorce.We are also going through a custody battle our our 2 daughters(3&4)I have two prior misdemeanor domestic violence charges.The first one was 4 years ago and the most recent was this past February.Neither incidents were serious hence the reason they were dropped to misdemeanors.I am going to the classes,completed my community service and paid all my fines.I have not gotten into any kind of trouble since.My counselor wrote me an excellent progress report and I am half way to completing my classes.

Today we went to mediation and I mentioned a drug abuse problem my wife has had for at least the past 2 years.She was ordered to submit to a drug test and she did not show up.We have court on the 9th of November and I am extremely worried about the outcome.Do I have agood chance of gaining custody since she automatically tested positive by not showing up?Or will they take them away from both of us?Or do she have a good chance of keeping our kids if she does not have a bad record?I don’t mind if she has full custody I only hope they don’t take them away from us.Please help!Thank you!
Thank you for the answer, although Social services is not involved, it’s all through he court so the judge will have the last word.I’m just very worried because you are right,I did open up a can of worms and I regret it so much.I just want to hear some opinions.
Thank you jusjokin, I feel so sad because I love my kids so much that I don’t want them exposed to drugs but at the same time I feel extremely worried about the outcome because like you say they are the ones that suffer, again thank you.
Thank you cstina, I am really trying to better myself in every way that I can for them and for myself also.







School Yard Bully
A community reacts to the death of 11-year-old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, who committed suicide after months of antigay taunts…and little action from his school.
Click the byline to view more stories by this author.By William McGuinness
An Advocate.com exclusive posted April 13, 2009
Sirdeaner Walker, who has survived domestic violence, homelessness, and breast cancer, knew death could come suddenly — but she could not have predicted it would find her 11-year-old son first.

Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover was a sixth-grader at New Leadership Charter School in Springfield, Mass. There, many of his classmates were initially strangers, as few of his friends from Alfred Glickman Elementary followed him.

On April 6, Sirdeaner Walker came home, walked up the stairs to the second floor of her home, and saw her son suspended from a support beam in the stairwell, swaying slightly in the air, an extension cord wrapped around his neck, according to police. He apologized in a suicide note, told his mother that he loved her, and left his video games to his brother.

Walker said her son had been the victim of bullying since the beginning of the school year, and that she had been calling the school since September, complaining that her son was mercilessly teased. He played football, baseball, and was a boy scout, but a group of classmates called him gay and teased him about the way he dressed. They ridiculed him for going to church with his mother and for volunteering locally.

"It’s not just a gay issue," Walker said. "It’s bigger. He was 11 years old, and he wasn’t aware of his sexuality. These homophobic people attach derogatory terms to a child who’s 11 years old, who goes to church, school, and the library, and he becomes confused. He thinks, Maybe I’m like this. Maybe I’m not. What do I do?"

His birthday, April 17, falls this year on the 13th National Day of Silence, a day on which individuals observe vows of silence for students bullied at school.

But instead of silence, Walker wants action from the school, which she said continuously ignored her, chalking the situation up to student immaturity. She said that every day her son left for school, he walked into a "combat zone" assigned to him because of his inner-city address. But he would not point a finger at specific classmates for fear he’d be called a "snitch."

Walker said that she is angry with teachers and administrators for not taking action, and she called on the state of Massachusetts last week to probe the school, hoping she might prevent other children from feeling as her son did.

"A lot of parents don’t know the avenues open to them. A lot of parents don’t know where to turn," Walker told The [Springfield] Republican.

In the days following Walker-Hoover’s death, parents and community members have grown increasingly critical of the school system’s approach to bullies and peer abuse, further fueled by administrators refusing to comment to local media.

Hilda Clarice Graham, an expert on bullies and a school safety consultant with International Training Associates, said students often use assumed sexual orientation as a main weapon against one another. "It’s the hammer that hurts the most and is the most vulnerable and hurtful thing going," she said.

Nearly half of children between the ages of 9 and 13 have been bullied, and nearly 10% of those students say it happens on a daily basis, according to a study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. In a 2007 Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network study, 86% of LGBT students said that they had experienced harassment at school during the previous year.

Days prior to Carl Walker-Hoover’s suicide, he confronted a female bully who verbally accosted him. The event served as an apparent catalyst to Walker’s suicide. The school’s response was to have the two students sit beside one another during lunch for the next week to encourage conversation.

Graham says the school’s response is not ideal because "for mediation to work, there must be equal power." She said bullies’ goals are to hurt, and to depend on them to feel remorseful is not an effectual way to deal with them — that victims are at a disadvantage when trying to make peace alone.

Graham added that schools should handle bullying on a small scale to avoid large-scale responses to tragic events.

“It’s the most dramatic call to action a school can receive," she said. "Parents want a guarantee that this will never happen again."

Many residents came out in support of the Walker family in a school-sponsored vigil last Thursday night. Walker says school officials didn’t invite her to the event. She said she heard from others but chose not to attend.

School superintendent Alan J. Ingram said on Thursday that cases of bullying must be addressed quickly and fairly, but added that many of the state’s charter schools are autonomous and have their own policies. He said 11
Most of the people,the victim and the bullies were Black. Furthermore I keep seeing similar situations were young Black kids are mercilessly teased for not fitting the thug look and culture. Maybe I didn’t word my question right, I’m asking "Does gangsta culture cause young Black people to be more homophobic?". And if you don’t got a good answer, please don’t talk




BAD Marriage – Advice Needed?




Hello, I’ve been married for the past 3 year, and living a hell life. When i have arguments with wife, her attitude becomes sort of hysterical. She has recently threaten me to do a criminal case via domestic violence if I try to leave her. I have never been violent with her, I just do verbal communication, so she could understand me…that’s about it.. Can she still do something against me if i try to leave her even if I have done anything wrong, i m not happy in a marriage? Also, she threatens to commit suicide if I leave her, and says that she Will leave a suicidal note saying, its all because of me, so that my life will be miserable for the rest of my life…Can i do something now to protect me? Her behavior makes me very worried, please advice what should i do?…