Final question to ask about lack of sex?
For over a week my wife has been acting distant and disinterested in me.
She blames: work pressure, pressure about leaving China and coming to Australia to settle, leaving the company with a really good impression in case she has to return to China (yeah I hate how these people like to leave options open too), pressure about the failing health of her family, boredom with me.
I’m crushed. She just won’t let something go that happened to us a while ago (before marriage). Where I became good friends with a girl and packed up my things and left for 24 hours (because I was so upset with something that happened). I came back the next day and it did hurt us both. I never did anything with this girl but my wife was so upset at the time about me lining up another girl and trying to move on. I did that out of anger because she was getting more and more abusive to me and ran out until 2am to KTV with a bunch of blokes.
Anyway, we got on with it and I came back. We tried to work through it and get over it. BUT she hasn’t been the same since. She told me she still loves me so much and has shown that through small affectionate signs but the sex and bedroom intimacy has completely gone. The past 4 nights have gone something like this: I’ll try to kiss her and initiate, she’ll just roll over and ignore me or lie there like a doll. I’ll then give up in tears and leave the room and break down.
The night before last, she apologized for not being able to give me sex. Said I’m still young and she understands. I’m not trying to put demands on her… Last night she saw that I was horny and was playfully me touching me and then when I wanted more, she rolled over said she was tired and went to sleep. She has changed into something like a manipulative woman that’s just playing around and no longer serious to me. Now I feel like I am banging my head on a wall. We just got married and now she is doing this and treating us like a joke. No wonder I want to weigh up options and think about getting out.
I’m at wits end. She says she loves me so much and to not get upset and things will be fine – she’s just worried about her work and has big pressure.
She hates it that I have a mate who is a player. I don’t go out with this guy but rarely invite him around for drinks at my house. I’ve told him I’m married and not into playing around but since the incident with that girl, my wife has become so distrusting that when I made a comment about her going overseas for her work and having 2 weekends without her, she shot back ‘so you can go and f**** other girls then’. After that I said to myself that this girl doesn’t just have problems with what happened, but I seriously doubt she loves me.
So, I’m weighing options. We only have 3 months to go before we go back to Australia together.
1. Stay here and keep working and earning money until it’s time to go. I’ll see her on and off and be her support. Be there in case she is in the mood to be intimate. Her support but also in some ways her toy.
2. Go back to Australia before her. Problem here is that I won’t be earning any money during the time before out planned wedding in December. It will take some time to find a job. <– this option might be a good idea as a trial separation. Yep, I’m thinking along the lines of a separation of longer than what her work normally affords. I’d still be committed to her, just I’d be getting established in Australia and have access to counseling if I decide to and time to think with the support of my family.
3. Continue to stay here. I’ve talked at length with a close family member about these things and they reminded me that I can try to stick it out in China for a couple more months (even if that means us not being intimate or doing anything together – just kind of exist together without the full range of intimacy is no different to just being in another country I guess). Come back together and then see how things go without her work pressure. She might change completely. Certainly I’d have all of her attention – she won’t know anybody or anything and will have to rely upon me.
I never went with another girl. I did message that girl and consider going out with her but never did that because I needed time to process my feelings – esp. if I was going to make a permanent break. After all, we had been together for 2 years and I realized I couldn’t just throw that away. That tells you how far as I was pushed to make the decision to move out (she had messaged me earlier after leaving in anger and told me she was moving all her stuff out and leaving). Her text to me set me off and I packaged things out of anger.
She sometimes brings up the incident about the girl. Today she saw me getting so upset with her comments that she backed down and said not to worry and think so much and that the business with the girl was a small problem. That mo
I’m 28 and she’s 25. I began to wonder if it was a lack of attraction to me. Bored with me?? That’s bs. But then she turns around and talks about saving for a house and a good future. She was on the webcam laughing and talking away with her cousin’s bf last night but when it came to bed time, she hugged me, kissed my eyes (a sign of affection), started fooling around and then rolled over and went to sleep. All signs of a lack of interest in me. I am teetering on the edge of leaving.
