children & divorce and communications issues?
Having trouble communicating with daughters 12,15 & 18. I’ve been living by myself for the last year. Told I ask to many questions. Just trying to find out whats new in thier lives. Am I out of line ? Asked the 15 y.o. "how her sister was tonight" on the phone and she got lippy. 12 y.o. says she glad we didn’t get 50/50 parenting time over attemping to help her with homework. 18 y.o. suggests maybe everybody is stressed, final orders is 3 days away after over year of lawyers etc. 18 y.o. says I ask same questions"like how is everybody". I learned from that to talk about something else. still feel alot of resentment or something. Suggestions are welcome !
I didn’t and don’t want a divorce. Parental evaluator lists 4 causes of failed marriage. Communications, peri-menipause,my drinking and failing health of our mothers(both requiring lots of help (stress).
I made some poor choices drinking to cope with stress and physically assualted wife once in long, long term marriage. I’m accoutable for my choices and kids see I got help for anger, depression and alcohol (haven’t drank in 13 months, no desire). Wife just gave up, won’t even talk about reconcilliation. Justs wants divorce and vindictive and greedy. Not feeling self pity any longer, I changed because, I WAS WRONG and still love her. I know this isn’t the right thing to do, it’s out of my control. Just have faith some day she’ll talk and maybe. Any comments now ? Just want the best for kids and wife.
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try to get on their facebook and/or myspace profiles, ask them for this in exchange for fewer questions.
Be aware that teenagers are the hardest to deal with. You just have to keep making the calls and the visits no matter what they say. Eventually, they will understand how much you love them. You need to ask about their health, school, friends - just don’t ask about their mother. You need to inform the school that you want to receive a copy of their report cards and that you want to be informed of school activities and especially parent/teacher night.
Good luck.
Because you don’t really want to know how they are doing; your feigned interest and your jump in happiness just came at their expense.
"How is everybody?"
My mother and father just got divorced after nearly twenty years. This has completely wrecked my confidence in the institution. He cheated/she cheated/wanted out for a new man/just wasn’t happy with him anymore/he drank too much and looked at porn all the time and I think it’s disgusting. They fought worse than my little sisters did. I’ve been raising myself for as long as I can remember so I’m not really sure why no longer having a father in my life is bothering me but it is. I hate his new slutty girlfriend.
I wish they would just leave me alone so I can focus on the artificial reality that is school to drown out the nauseum of my life. I like this boy, Todd, but I can’t bring myself to even talk to him because now it seems like all men are pigs just like my asshole father. Even if he was wonderful and everything turned out like in my dreams, it would last what? 10? 20? years and then my children would be sitting here wondering how the fuck I am so disconnected with reality just like my Mom is now.
That really the gist of the conversation you want to have?
Of course fucking not so you get "i’m oookkkkaay" instead.
You didn’t say why your marriage ended so I’m going to just give you the story behind mine. I was married for 23 years, my husband got into an affair with a co-worker; he left 11 days after our daughter (our only child too) got married…our daughter blamed herself for him leaving, I reassured her it wasn’t her fault, then she found out her father left because of another woman; so for 5 years she didn’t talk to her father, but about a year after she gave birth to her first son, my daughter decided to try to reopen communication with her dad; they are talking again, but are not as close as they were when she was little. So again, what was the cause for your marriage ending? This could be having a huge impact on your daughters. You said you feel a lot of resentment…that is the place to start and evaluate the situation.